Until Then

I'm working on who I want to be but I'm not there yet.

Can anyone relate? (redundant question)

I wonder if the person I'm trying to be is the person I'm able to be? I'm not suggesting lofty goals or unrealistic expectations implanted in my brain because of the media culture. Rather, a realistic hypothesis of who I could be.

When I was young, I wanted to be many things but as it turns out, I wasn't really good at any of those things. What I do is actually pretty cool and I never would have put myself here. When you're young though, I think you accept the fact that things could change between now and then. You assume, though, that whatever changes won't be any less cool than what your current idea is. As we get older though, we don't imagine things changing all that much. Funny when you think of it though isn't it? I mean, we're accustomed to a life of change but at some point we assume it couldn't change much more.

When I think of who I want to be, I assume that's the person I should be. But, compared to whom I'll be in 10 years, or even 50 years, I'm still quite immature and can't imagine what I'll really be. I wonder how we aim for being the best person we can be without making too many assumptions about what that's going to look like. As adults we have more control over our trajectory and can, therefore, keep on pushing towards, what might be, the wrong person.

Instead, I think I will forget about the person I want to become, focus instead on becoming the best that I could become at this very moment and do everything within my power to recognize who's image I was created in.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thinking Deeply

I want to be a deep thinker.

I want to write something that people will be glad they've read and find insight into things that make people ponder.

I want to find meaning in things that most people never notice and then cause people to notice not just that thing but other things to find meaning in.

I want to search deep inside myself and find that all the chaos actually is just brilliance waiting to be rallied together.

I want to tweet and cause people pause.

I want to post and cause people to talk.

I want to be silent unless I have anything worth saying.

Location:Magnolia Blvd,San Fernando Valley,United States

...when you're head is spinning

Tonight is one of those nights in which my head is spinning.

So, I'm not currently in a café right now. I'm actually in my home study drinking a glass of wine late in the evening considering how I could possibly shut my brain off. This post is more like "study thinking" which has nowhere near the nice ring as "café thinking" does.

Sometimes when you're head's spinning, you clearly know what it is that causing the craziness, other times... well there just seems to no one thing to blame yet everything is contributing. How do you narrow it down to something you can deal with? How could I possibly complete the thousand thoughts?

Blogging is hard work... or just work that needs attention on more than a bi-monthly basis.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop drinking tea this morning and trying desperately to get into what I'm reading. The problem is that my kindle is dead, my iPad hasn't yet arrived so I'm reading something life changing on my computer. But for some reason, the life changing aspects that I know would pop out at me if I was using one of the other devices doesn't seem to be present when using my computer screen.

It's incredible how often I rely on things to enhance or even validate my experience.

I've recently come to learn that, to me, physical location and props act as more then aids to what I'm doing. If the location is not right, I can't do what I intended to do. If the props or tools I'm using don't fit some unknown criteria, I might as well just sit and look out the window.

I'm not proud of this.

I don't consider this a good thing.

But for some reason it's a reality and it's caused me to think of how reality, whether good or bad, needs to be taken into consideration when making decisions.

"thanks for that captain obvious!"

But how many don't take reality into consideration? Many times people, myself being the subject this morning, try and carry on with the notion that, even though you've never succeeded at something under these conditions, this time will be different.

I can still have a meaningful time using my computer as the leaping point for inspiration this morning although I never have been able to.

Should I be so picky about what type of page I'm using? No, but if I'm needing to be inspired this morning, I really should use the tools that I know will aid in this. For the rest of the day I can work on becoming less consumeristic.

Café Thinking

We live in a coffee shop culture.

For several years, the coffee shop has been my favourite place to read, write, think and debate. I love the prop of a hot cup of coffee to inspire something. Sometimes it's work related, other times it's purely creative although the former seems to be more common these days.

Like many people, I've written many brilliant blog posts that would likely change your life... or perhaps not. I long to be deep enough to inspire someone but, of course, when you try to do this you simply come out sounding like a pretentious ninny. I journal pretty regularly and only recently have I come to terms with the fact that it's not really that likely that one day, someone will go through my personal journal and publish the brilliance of my private thoughts. I used to write with this in mind. Now, thankfully, I write my journal for my own benefit. Quite a bit more simple to be honest.

So, here I am, once again trying to write something that someone might read. Why? I think because I feel the need to have a public platform where I can air out my thoughts. Perhaps I'll be the only one to go back and read these posts or perhaps a few people might stop by.

The coffee shop offers many starting points for conversation. Having worked at a coffee shop once for seven years, I have a bit of experience with the the types of conversations that can take place in a coffee shop. You see any type of person; some looking as though they were born to sit in a coffee shop and others looking more out of place than a palm tree in Kelowna.

So... here I go. I'll write some thoughts, maybe you'll read the thoughts, maybe you'll comment on the thoughts...

Nate